24 July 2024

12 – Adios

I get up hurriedly and rush into the bathroom, stammering an awkward “sorry”.

In one go, I open the bathroom window to let some fresh air in. But only the fucking heat penetrates the already overheated room. I rush to the sink and open the cold water tap to spray my face with it. Finally, I slowly come to my senses. At least, that’s what I think.

I contemplate my reflection in the dirty mirror. My complexion is pallid and huge black rings adorn my tired eyes. My face is frightening. How could I have imagined for a moment that something would happen between this man and me ? I’m attractive, usually I’m appealing to both men and women. But not to him.

I don’t recognize myself anymore. Why am I so attentive, when all I have to do is submit him to my will ? I feel an urge rising. One of those that I can only contain with drugs or alcohol. Damn it. The mini bar and my travel bag are in the room. Leaving the bathroom now is to risk giving in to my demons. I clench my fists, digging my nails into my palms. Just hold on, John. It will pass. My breathing and heart rate are racing.

Across from me, this asshole continues to stare into my eyes and judge me. You’re a bad child, the evil is in you. Shut the fuck up ! I send my raging fist into the mirror, shattering it into a thousand pieces. I am John Duncan. I am a successful lawyer. I recite this mantra in my mind as I have done a thousand times. I hate John Duncan. But at least he’s brilliant and recognized by his peers, unlike John Seed, the abused son of poor people sent to an orphanage.

Air gradually returns to my burning lungs. Then I realize the sink is splattered with blood stains. I raise my hands to my eye level and see the damage. Shit. I run them under cool water, which instantly turns red. When it clears, I turn off the spray and grab a towel to wipe away the tears streaming down my cheeks. I believe the crisis is over. I feel better. I feel like myself again.

I suddenly remember that Dani is in the next room. He must have heard everything that happened. I don’t know how much time has passed since I left the room. I have lost all sense of time and space, as I do every time one of these urges takes hold of me. Trying to breathe calmly, I open the door.

I sweep the room with my eyes. It’s empty. The empty pastry bag is still on the bed. I go over and grab it to throw it away. Something is lying next to it. Dani’s watch, placed on a torn piece of bag. I grab the paper to discover a hastily scribbled inscription. “Thank you. PS : Tattoos are a good idea to change life and erase a painful past”.

I contemplate the note for a few moments. It’s rare that I get thanked. Sincere ones, anyway. I take the watch. It is beautiful and simple. Like him. My heart tightens. It’s time for me to leave this damn country and this infernal heat. Fuck Ramirez and his asshole dictator. I’ve got plenty of contacts in Atlanta to cover me if I need it, and plenty of money to get me home.

I grab my travel bag and leave the room, slamming the door without a backward glance.

Adiós, shitty country.



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